And I don’t mean oddly specific personal details like the colour of your partner’s underwear, your credit card number or what you had for breakfast (oats, I had oats for breakfast). I mean the workings of your inner world: your feelings thoughts and opinions on matters of interest.
I write so many posts that I never publish. And there are two main reasons: The smaller one is the fear of being too much, too dramatic, too whiny, too boastful. And the bigger reason is the fear of creating a permanent public record in the age of cancel culture.
But what exactly am I afraid of being canceled from?
That people won’t buy my not-yet-published books? As if they would otherwise! Have you seen the state of this industry?
That I’ll limit my career options and won’t be appointed as the next ambassador to Andromeda Galaxy because I spoke of mental health struggles? But who doesn’t struggle mentally in 2024? And why does talking about it still feel so risqué? Plus I’m not even sure I want that job… though if you’re hiring, call me to discuss the salary details.
And most importantly, are these very hypothetical situations worth spending life in the shadows for?
If I never get around to posting this, the answer is clearly positive. But even the fact that I write these posts indicates a desire to share and be seen in a way I haven’t yet, showing up only as safe, diluted version of myself.
After all, there are millions of writing accounts, and only one of me. And that’s the only original thing I can bring to the table— myself.
So is it time to pour in the concentrate and alienate people?
P.s. it took me 3 months to finally share this post.
A. ZAYKOVA 